Ghost Adventures: The Pinnacle of Reality TV

A beefy, black-clad, gel-haired, sometimes-badly-tanned man stands dramatically in the middle of a desert. He did not believe in ghosts, he tells you, in a deep and strangely jarring monotone. Until he came face to face with one. What follows are high-contrast images of creeping shadows, sped-up footage of anonymous scary-looking women in white dresses, someone with what I assume is meant to be blood but looks more like lipstick gone wrong around their mouth, and flickering grayscale images of frightened-looking or conspicuously-posing members of the cast.  The strange fusion of jock, nerd and theatre kid stereotypes is Zak Bagans, the other guys are his paranormal investigation crew, and these are their Ghost Adventures. And you can already tell you’re in for a wild ride of reality television.

Currently with twelve seasons and still going strong, Ghost Adventures follows Zak and his team as they travel to reputably haunted locations and lock themselves in for a night to try and capture evidence of ghosts. Along the way, expect shoddy re-enactments of the local ghost stories, over-dramatic narration, and the three investigators inevitably screaming “BRO! HOLY [BLEEP] BRO! DID YOU SEE THAT DUDE? [BLEEP], DUDE” and/or “I can really feel an energy in here man. Holy [bleep].”

It is ridiculous. And it is the best reality TV show I have ever watched.

I Am Not Part of Your Soap Opera

Reality TV rustles my jimmies.

Don’t get me wrong, it can be entertaining, an interesting look into the workings of the world and the humans in it, but there comes a point where it begins to grate on my senses and my conscience.

Take Beauty and the Geek, for instance. The basic format is, we have sixteen individuals hand-picked to fit a perfectly polished mould of a stereotype—eight women, the ‘beauties’ (because who wants to watch a show about ugly women?) who are all bronzed and buffed and busty and notably lacking in the brains department, all with jobs like “Professional Bra Fitter” and “Casino Hostess”, each paired up with a ‘geek’, a man who has relied on his brains to get him where he is in life and not his looks or social skills, who have glasses and ill-fitting beards and “Fungal Scientist” and “Comic Collector” as their title cards.

Typecasting at its finest